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July 3, 2013

Smoking Man

This is the story of a conversation between two newly weds, late at night, in the dark.  She will never remember it… He will never forget it.

You cant satisfy what I cant feel


What is wrong?” she asked as she look at him sitting naked on the edge of the California King, taking a drag from his cigarette.

“I guess I’m not as good as I use to be… or maybe I never was as good as I thought I was.” He whispered.

She leaned across the bed to give him a slap on the arm and said,“You can’t satisfy what I can’t feel.”Referring of course to her operation but six months earlier. This comment confused and cut him deep in the darkness, but he knew he couldn’t let her know.

She now had two six-inch titanium rods in her lower back and he didn’t know how many screws. The operation was suppose to rid her of her constant pain. They did relieve about 10 percent of it. No longer was she crying herself to sleep each night. But they must have also cut another nerve by mistake.

They had only been married six months when the doctors announced that she had a broken-back. A vertebrae in her lower back had snapped in two. It apparently had a hairline fracture for years, and finally let go. Without an operation she would never be out of that blinding pain. Something had to be done. The pain for her was burning. Too much for her to bear; too much for him to watch.

Yet as he sat there staring blankly at the ember of his cigarette he knew that comment cut him deeply.

‘You can’t satisfy what I can’t feel.’

He lived his entire life not just for his own pleasure. His partner’s pleasure was not just as important as his, but gave him even more pleasure than his very own.

Thinking about this now, he always knew that this was not the ‘manly’ way of things. He should just be happy to have his own whim satisfied, but he couldn’t change the way he was. And, being unable to satisfy his own wife, for whatever reason, cut into his manhood deeply.

“I love you.” came from the darkness. “I love you.” he whispered hoarsely…


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